I swear I'm happy
by i.anachronism
Summary: Their getting married, it's funny how it all came out at the end. Songfic, mentions of femslash. Rated Teen for substance abuse and sensitive themes.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own BtVS

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**Filling up my empty days with red wine  
Wonder what you think of me?**

I stumble up my walk, letting the bottle hit the floor the moment I got through the door. The dark red liquid stains my carpet.

"Shit," I say as I trip.

I wonder how long it has been, a couple of years now, somewhere around there. I close my eyes and let the darkness and memories of you take me.

**  
Lying in the grass alone and wasted  
Nothing's how it used to be  
**

My doorbell rings, I groan and sit up.

"Hello?" I ask opening the door.

"Hey," A perky red head says a little bit too loud. I sigh, "Hey Willow, could you keep it down?" Her face falls as she sees the bottle of red wine on my floor. "Have you been drinking again?"

I nod, and sit down. She enters my dingy apartment slowly. "Look, I have some news; I think you may want to sit down." I was already sitting; she takes her own invitation sitting on my stained couch.

**  
I wanna be the first to call and tell you  
Yesterday I heard the news  
I hear you oughtta be congratulated  
So I guess that's what I'll do**

"She's getting married," Willow says after she takes a deep breath. My eyes widen, "When?" I ask shakily.

"Tomorrow," The realization hits me hard, you had moved on when I couldn't. "She wants you to be there. Here is the invitation." I take it, clenching it in my fist. The bump in the envelope digs into my skin. I open the envelope slowly; the Platinum ring falls out into my open palm.

The Diamond in it shines, the tears fall on it, dulling the color. The words on the inside mock me. You + MeEternity. The invitation is cream colored and the lettering is purple, you look so happy when you kiss him. There is a light in your eyes that I've only seen once before.

I cry.

**  
I'm so happy for you  
I could cry  
Yeah, I'm so elated  
Cross my heart and hope to die  
I don't think about you every night  
Before I close my eyes  
I'm so happy for you baby,  
I could cry.**

My sobbing eventually ebbs and I'm left again, alone. Your smiling face haunts me. I stare at you, willing you to come back to me. Willow, seeing my distress, gets up to leave, and wave her away. She nods and closes my door softly.

I call you, "Hello?" I ask quietly, he answers.

"Can I help you?" I shake my head. "I just wanted to congratulate you both." I put the phone back in the receiver. I hold my head in my hands. "Why?" I sob, "Why?"

**  
Listen to the sound of my head pounding  
Wish that it was make-believe  
Praying for the skies to open up and  
Wash away your memory  
**

My headache returns, and I think, what does he have that I don't? What about him makes you want him?

I sigh and get up and open my refrigerator, I pull out a bottle of Bacardi Rum that I stole from the liquor store the other day. I pour myself about half a glass, and then add a short of Captain Morgan and Jaeger and down it all quickly. I cough as it burns my throat. A wave of nausea hits me full force, and I run towards the bathroom. I throw it all up, and make me up another. The edges of the world start to blur and run together, but I don't stop.

The last thing I see is your face, and then walk.

**  
I can walk around with a pretty face on  
Even when I'm black and blue  
What's the point in telling everybody  
I'm not over you.**

I wake up, and bang my head on the countertop. Shit, I think. I look at my face in my living room mirror. I sigh and run a hand through my tangled hair.

I walk towards the bathroom and start the shower, after taking an ice cold shower; I start a pot of coffee, and get dressed. I picked a black sleek dress that would've made you proud. It hugs my curves, flowing down to a slit that starts at my hip. I curl my hair, and let it sit on my shoulders, gently flowing over my back. My makeup is simple. Dark eyes, dark red mouth, and no blush.

I sigh and try to run my hands through my hair, but stop when I think about the wedding.

I take out a cigarette and light it; I take a drag, but then put it out. "Might as well get going," I say to myself and get up. I open the door, and see Willow standing there.

"Can I take you there?" She asks, I nod, and lock my door on my way out.

**  
I'm so happy for you  
I could cry  
Yeah, I'm so elated  
Cross my heart and hope to die  
I don't think about you every night  
Before I close my eyes  
I'm so happy for you baby,  
I could cry. **

We get there before most of the crowd. "I have to go," Willow says making a gesture towards the door I know your behind. I nod.

I find a seat right in the front row; the music starts as the pianist warms up. I stare painfully as she plays our song. The soft music fills me soul and I know what I have to do.

I get up and walk towards your door; I place my hand on the soft white wood. I'm just about to knock when the people start showing up. I sigh and sit back down.

The music starts for real this time and I see him walk out. He's followed by Spike, and then Giles who waits at the path, you walk out. Your dress is white and sleeveless, and is just white, no beadwork or anything. You walk out with a smile on your slightly tanned face. You take Giles' hand, and walk down the aisle in time with the music.

You catch my eye, I start to cry, my makeup running everywhere.

**  
Cry about the love we used to have  
Cry that I won't ever get you back**

You looked away from me and looked back at him. His face lit up and so did yours, I heard you exchange vows.

The invitation haunts my mind when the preacher asks the dreaded question, "is there any opposed?" I stood up ready to oppose; you look at me waiting for me to say something. He looks at me angrily. **  
**"I'm opposed," I say confidently.

No, I thought. "Never mind," I said sitting back down. The preacher then proclaimed you man and wife. You kissed him chastely.

**  
Filling up my empty days with red wine  
Wonder what you think of me?**

_**Rupert Giles is pleased to announce the marriage of**_

**Buffy Summers **

**To**

**Liam O' Conner**

_**And would like to cordially invite you to the wedding and reception.**_

I cry as I read it again and again. I drench it in red wine and throw it in my fire; I watch the fire consume it as though it was consuming the very soul of our love. I throw the ring in after the invitation as burned, and I watch it melt, the engraving burning brightly, leaving a permanent picture in my mind.

**  
I'm so happy for you  
I could cry  
Yeah, I'm so elated  
Cross my heart and hope to die  
I'm so happy for you  
So, so happy for you  
I don't think about you every night  
Before I close my eyes  
I'm so happy for you baby,  
I could cry.**

And I as I fall asleep I can only think of one thing, how happy you were, are, and will be.

And that is enough to make me cry.

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**A/N:**The Character is Faith, just so you know. 


End file.
